not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
this is an emotional support booty call
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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