Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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