just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
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