Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
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