I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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