I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
