So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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