Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
