he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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