Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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