If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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