She went from zero to smokin in five shots
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
