I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize