I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
whose parrot is this?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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