**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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