Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
