the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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