Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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