I puked a lego.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
