Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
