Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
