i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
