I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
