I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
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