..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
