Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize
