I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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