he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
