Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Randomize
