Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
