Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
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I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
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Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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