small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
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The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
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I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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