currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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