what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
