The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
