She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
