the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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