Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
