Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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