this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
