u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
