No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
