It's like a parade of train wrecks.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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