Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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