also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
