I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
worst night to have a conscience
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
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