before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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