Soap is not a condiment
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize