Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
