her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
