Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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