I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
