i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
