I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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