the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
