I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
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Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
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So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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