She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
