just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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