My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Randomize
