By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize