you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
