apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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