I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Less talking, more tequila
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
