He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I believe in your delicious
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
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