I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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