I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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