Fine. I'll sleep in my office
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Randomize
