Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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