Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
