well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
