im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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