So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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