So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
