What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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