ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."