I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
My ass is underappreciated
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.