we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"