and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
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I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
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We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.