we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home