I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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