Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
